Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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