a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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