I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
