I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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