Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
