I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
