Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
