I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think i have two assholes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
