Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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