Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize