She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
