Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
