Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
