so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I did not marry a roomba.
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