Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
