nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She needs sedatives and a leash
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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