Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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