chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
