I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
