Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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