last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
