we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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