just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
