I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
