brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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