I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
