you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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