he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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