Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
