I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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