i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
PANTIES FOUND
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