used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
