I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I looked at my own cervix.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
