my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
