getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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