My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
