You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize