Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
