He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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