My room smells like vodka and shame
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
