hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
