I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
