ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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