i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
