Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
