Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
