I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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