somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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