Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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