the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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