Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
