So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dick has a subreddit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
