does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
BRING THE BAGELS
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
