I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
