Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
