i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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