hotel room ftw
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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