Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
