I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
