I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
