Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
