she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
