I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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