1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
