Barsexuality is the new black.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
